Confessions of a Lonely Queen – Esther
Lord,
I am so lonely. Is it possible to be lonely when people surround me? I have so many blessings that others pray for, so why am I still lonely? I wish I had my mother or father here. I long to sit next to them and hold their hands. I want to ask questions and have them tell me everything will be alright, but I will have to wait for heaven to do that.
People around me seem so busy and full of chatter. They laugh, whisper, and tell inside stories of their fun. I feel so left out.
I escape to my room, where I feel safe. I’m so grateful for my cousin Mordecai. He has taught me so much about you, Lord, the most important thing. But he’s a guy! He listens, but he doesn’t always understand what it’s like to be me. God, I long for someone to know me, really know me. To appreciate my silly sense of humor, to understand the little things about me, like how I like my fish cooked. I want them to know my heart’s deep dreams and longings, to see every part of my past and still think I am precious.
My husband knows me on the outside. He knows my body. What about my soul? Will he still want to know me as I age and my beauty fades?
There are parts I have to keep hidden. I can play the role, but I am longing for a friend.
The Lonely Queen
My Dear Esther,
I have seen your pain and isolation, and it is not what I intended for my sons and daughters. We are made to be in a relationship with one another.
The desires of your heart are pure and honest. Remember my provision to you. I provided a guardian for you when you became an orphan. I have put you in a place where you have influence and power over many people. I will give you the wisdom and courage to stand up for what you have been taught.
Trust me. Remember, I kept you safe during the king’s audition process. I am going to use this loneliness for good. What seems complicated now will produce something extraordinary. I will use you to be a savior of your people, as I am your Savior. I have positioned you for such a time as this. Trust me. I will bring joy and peace to you and to those you love. I have a plan to save you. I love you.
Your Heavenly Father