1 Kings 19:1-18 | Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.” Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night. And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.”
The familiar darkness of clinical depression rolled over Leigh as she sat on the edge of the bed holding a revolver—tormenting voices urging her to pull the trigger. As a Christian wife and mom, she knew this picture was all wrong, but the consuming illness had clouded her mind. Apart from her husband and doctor, no one knew of the daily struggle she faced. Leigh slowly put the gun down, walked out the room, and chose to begin reaching out and sharing her story with others.
Following Elijah’s stunning victory over the prophets of Baal, Queen Jezebel threatened to kill him (1 Kings 19:1-2). Consumed by fear and disheartened at her words, he fled alone into the wilderness where he sat under a tree and begged the Lord to take his life. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life” (vv.3-4).
Elijah fell asleep, but an angel of God woke him, telling him to eat and drink. He did so, and then began walking for 40 days and nights to Mount Sinai (vv.5-9). God met with Elijah and told him to return through the wilderness, where He would anoint the future leaders (vv.15-16). The prophet had become depressed in his desperation and felt alone in his convictions, but God showed him that there were 7,000 others who had also remained faithful to Him (v.18).
When you’re at your wit’s end, spend time with God and have the courage to tell Him and others how you truly feel. Although Leigh continues to wrestle with dark thoughts, she has found comfort in other moms who also battle with depression. Together, they pray, hold each other accountable, and regularly remind themselves of God’s presence and promises. God doesn’t leave us alone. —Ruth O’Reilly-Smith
MORE: Read Deuteronomy 31:6 and consider what it reveals about God and His presence.
NEXT: Do you feel isolated and alone? Have the courage to be vulnerable with God and with godly people you trust. Know that you are not alone.